I cut myself off from social media. It was like walking out of a dark fog

Last year when I moved to France, I was determined to share as much of the journey as I could.

The first few months were, indeed, exciting and social media-worthy. The small town where we’re living is picture-perfect small-town Europe. Several lush, green riverside parks, a very European-looking plaza, and the remnants of an ancient castle giving a glorious hilltop view over the city.

I shared all the best snippets of my new life. I took it as my personal responsibility to help others get a glimpse of the beauty beyond the familiar.

‘Maybe I’ll inspire them to go on their own adventure,’ I thought hopefully. The world could certainly use more of getting outside our bubbles.

The likes kept trickling in as I shared my experiences and highlights, but as time marched on, my posts became further and further from the truth. Behind the scenes, I was becoming increasingly discouraged in my solitary writing work.

I’d moved to this small town to be with my other half who was doing his studies here, but he often stayed at his school until late in the evenings, busy with his demanding engineering classes and homework.

In the time we did spend together, we often had social engagements, and I was getting majorly discouraged with the challenge of learning French and adjusting to French social norms.

The lack of smiles toward strangers. The dark humor. The quick and complex conversations that flicked around like a ping-pong match. I was often left feeling confused as everyone around me laughed and enjoyed the conversation, not even noticing how disorienting it all is for a foreigner. In French the word for someone who is not French is “ étranger” or “stranger,” and it’s certainly how I felt a lot of the time.

In my difficulty with the adjustment, I dove even further into social media, scrolling and posting thinking it would be like a lifesaver to keep me social and connected. Instead, it was dead weight cutting me off from real connection.

I wasn’t just making my followers believe my life was awesome; I’d tricked myself into believing life was awesome. That denial kept me locked into my habits, showing the highlight reel of my life to get more and more likes and comments. I wouldn’t even admit that I was unhappy, much less admit social media was the problem, so I just kept drifting along unproductive and not really passionate about anything.

Even worse, political divisiveness and bad news reigned supreme in the newsfeed. Social media was my main glimpse into what was happening in the U.S., so I found myself quickly slipping into hopelessness about the state of things. It’s easy to forget to see the bigger picture when you only have a 10-inch window into the world.

At some point, the reality started sinking in that I wasn’t happy, and that social media was only making it worse. My constant posting and scrolling had sabotaged my productivity, my self-esteem, and my relationship, so I decided to cut myself off.

Within days, my mood skyrocketed.

I’ll admit there were other factors at play here, like restarting a regular yoga practice and picking up a few other writing opportunites. But social media had been my biggest timesuck, and the biggest driver of dependence and feelings of inadequacy.

Getting off social media helped me to accept the reality instead of trying to portray it in just the right light to maximize likes. And once we accept reality, we can change it for the better.

A month later, I’ve allowed myself back on social media for specific purposes like joining housing search groups (we’re moving to Paris in March!) and seeing updates from specific people who matter.

I use Facebook Newsfeed Eradicator plugin for Google Chrome, which replaces the newsfeed with an inspirational quote and keeps me from getting sucked into endless scroll. I disable all notifications from social media and set specific times to check them. I post occasionally, but hold myself to no obligations. If there’s something I want to share, that’s when I’ll share.

Social media can be useful, but I won’t let my happiness be determined by its custom algorithms and targeted ads.

Now I’m careful not to live in that fog of dependence upon social media and digital interaction. It’s a complement to life, and not where I live my life.